Fuckin` Civilized – Amsterdam Live Sex Show

      This article is a bit unorthodox. Therefore, if you blush and leave the room the second you hear the word FUCK (fornication under consent of king), you should better get to the next article.


      sex show_thumbOk, let’s get to facts. We know you’re planning to go to Amsterdam. Don’t try to bring up the story about the old city and stuff. We all know why you are really going there. Well, to help you sin a little more I come with an advice: if you ever get there and you are open minded enough you must go to a live sex show. I know what you are thinking: You pig, do you think I need something like that? Wait a minute though. We are talking about the Netherlands. If in other places the same show would have involved two priests, three hookers, five midgets and a horse, in Amsterdam this is a very..mundane and civilized thing.

 

            However, when you go to a sex show you are expecting the worst. Well, it’s not really like that. Here’s how it works:


      You pay the guy (usually bald) at the entrance 25€ and walk through a pretty long hallway. You rub your hands lasciviously, push the black door and enter..a theatre. Because that is your first impression. The long row of chairs and the lightened stage make you stop for a few seconds. Luckily, you have the drinking bar and that stripping bar on the stage that lets you know where you really are.

      You take a seat near the stage, ‘cause you paid 25€ and you want to see everything. You take a glass of whisky in one hand, like men do, and you wait. In a few moments, you already start feeling weird. You haven’t seen so many men in suits since the annual shareholders meeting. Besides, there are a lot of women too. Anyway..the music starts.

 

      The first lady shows up. A bit plump, I say. A sip of whisky. Hey, she’s not that fat. After 5 minutes of choreographic dance she finally gets rid of the clothes, but just when the smile appears on everyone’s face, she leaves. Hey, where’s the SEX in sex show? Another girl shows up, a bit older but very athletic. She is showing us how to use a banana and a marker if you want to be…creative. The fun starts – she’s picking people from the audience now. Dancing around them. Lucky bastards..or not, because she is hardly touching them. Nothing tacky, and the girl is smiling all the time. It’s an actual relaxing atmosphere. The guys get off the stage, shake hands with the girl and they kiss on the cheek in a civilized way. Cool. Finally, a couple. Bartender, a gin please.

      The music starts, something cheesy but nice. The stars: a muscular Chinese and a cute blondie with a face of an angel. In a few moments everything becomes clear. If these guys have sex, then what I am doing is a bad hora – these guys are really dancing. It’s a choreographic show, as all the former moments. I almost can’t find a thing that’s vulgar. You are feeling as if you are watching an erotic film much too censored and not a live sex show. The crowd is applauding, civilized.

 

      A Dutch guy who drank a little too much is head over heels for one of the dancers and he is heading towards the backstage. Three friends pick him up, get him out of the bar and apologize for his behavior. Nice. I finish my drink and step out.

      Was I to the theatre or to a live sex show? I have no idea..


I went to Moulin Rouge
Oudezijds Achterburgwal 5
1012 Amsterdam
usually the entrance fee is 35€ drinks included, but we negotiated


There also are:
Casa Rosso – which, some say, it’s more classy
Oudezijds Achterburgwal 106-108
1012 Amsterdam
30€ no drinks or €45 drinks included


and

Bananenbar -I’ll let you think about the reason it’s called like this
Oudezijds Achterburgwal 37
1012 Amsterdam
45€ per hour (it’s enough, after an hour the show starts over), drinks included


      The rumor is that Amsterdam is planning to close the sex show theatres, a large number of windows (you know which windows I’m talking about) and even coffee shops. The world is coming to an end..


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